How To Not Make Friends in a Hostel02:31 PM on Wed 18 Jun 2014

So you don’t like people... especially the backpacking kind. They are crazy, too outgoing and always happy – this makes you sick to the stomach! You enjoy sightseeing, however do not like to ride on public buses or trains. You enjoy experiencing the food of the new country you are in – as long as it does not include meat and is prepared in an expensive looking restaurant.

You carry a suitcase – you have too much luggage to fit into a backpack and in this backpack, you carry a water bottle that automatically fertilises the water you fill it with. Goon? Possibly the worst creation invented by man kind! And backpacker party nights? Ugh! You could not think of anything worse!

Well do not worry self acclaimed traveller – we’ve got you covered! Here is our guide to ‘Not Making Friends in a Hostel.’


1. Do Not Make Eye Contact

When making your way around the hostel, do NOT make eye contact with the backpackers. Look down. Alternatively, we recommend travelling with a smart phone! That way you can survive that awkward lift ride whilst pretending to read a very important email. Backpackers are a friendly breed however and as a result this tactic may not work! Some backpackers are so friendly that they may just assume that you are shy, and endeavour to make the first move. If this does occur – plug in your head phones!


2.       Do Not Underestimate the Importance of the Light Switch

Yes it is something we all take for granted – the light switch! As you walk into your dorm room, take note of the main switch... the switch that exudes the most amount of light into the room. This switch will become your only friend! So it’s midnight. You’ve been reading a travel guide book. You enter the room and your dorm ‘mates’ are asleep – switch it on! 3:00AM toilet break? Turn it on!


3.       Learn to Snore

This is a technique that has been utilised by many lone travellers and dates back to the ancient years. It’s a hard one to pick up but there are many books and recourses out there to get you started. The louder the better. Do not warn your dorm mates of your habit and do not... we repeat, DO NOT offer your room mates ear plugs.


4.       Leave Your Dishes For The Hostel Staff

Ok this one is easy! Choose the kitchen utensils that are the most popular... if there is only one chopping board – fantastic! Even if you have nothing to cut up – use it as a plate holder. Once you have completed preparing your meal – leave the dishes in the sink. The staff get paid to wash up anyway right?


5.       Spoil the Sights

This may be the only time that you will interact with the Backpackers. Ask them where they have been and what they want to see and do in the country. Even if you have yet to visit these places – pretend that you have! Even if you enjoyed these plays – pretend that you didn’t. Ensure that you portray every iconic landmark as a complete waste of time!


6.       Divide Your Washing

So washing has never really been your thing... your mum usually does it for you. You love your clothing however and want to ensure that your whites are with the whites, the cotton is with the cotton and your dirty shoes need to be in a washing machine all to themself. Ask the reception staff what time and day is usually the most popular time for washing. Head down to the laundry and ensure that your washing is divided into at least 3 washing machines... 4 or 5 if you can! Proceed to do the same when drying.


7.       Do Not Use Bins

Hostel Room Bin? Ignore it! Kitchen bin? Ignore! Reception Bin? Ignore! DO NOT USE BINS!


8.       Do Not Engage in Activities

Most hostels (especially Base) will offer Free City Activities as well as Tours at discounted prices. Never Ever take part in these activities. Visit the sights on your own – this way you can do what you want when you want and do not have to waste time partaking in useless conversation.


9.       Take Over Your Room

You like to travel heavy – hiking boots, flip flops, waterproof hiking boots, ankle support hiking boots, a tent (for lonesome camping trips deep in the forest with no one else around), plus your collection of jackets, tramping gear & socks. To avoid making friends with those in your dorm – do not be afraid to take up as much space as possible... use all of the coat hooks, take up every inch of free carpet & if asked to move your stuff – refuse!


10. Hygiene – ignore it!

Do not shower. Do not wash your clothes. Do not brush your teeth. Possibly the easiest technique of them all!


These techniques have been practiced by our backpacking experts since the dawn of Base. They have been tested and proven. If used correctly we guarantee a lonesome journey.

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